i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
