dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
