I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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