He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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