Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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