her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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