How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
