we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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