woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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