Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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