Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
