yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
