I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
