Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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