My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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