This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
pop tarts are not kleenex
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
