I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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