Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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