apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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