shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
