she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
