u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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