Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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