Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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