Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
