the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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