She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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