Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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