that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
