I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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