Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
