I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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