Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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