jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
