Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
