Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
