this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
