he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
