My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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