And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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