who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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