they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
