Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
