the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
