remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
