Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
