Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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