I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
