it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
