Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
50% drunk capacity currently
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
