Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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